Afraid to lose
by artsygeek9796
Summary: When Zane recovers and sets off to build a new deck, Syrus can't help but worry about him, to the point that it effects his dueling.
1. Chapter 1

_My brother was one of the greatest dualists at Duel Academy, highly respected by teachers and peers alike. When he entered the Pro Leagues, my brother became famous until he dualed Aster Phoenix. His career went downhill after that. _

_He fell into darkness, becoming heartless and cruel when he began dueling underground. Even when I dueled against him, I was just another opponent in his eyes and had me use shock collars. I lost, but in a way, I also won and a change in him was set in motion._

_Just when the old Zane was starting to come back, his heart was failing. And after battling against Yubel in the most epic dual I've ever seen, he died. I lost my brother, this time it was permanently. _

_But then a miracle occurred when Zane was found alive on the shore of the island. He was still weakened by his heart condition, but it didn't matter. My brother was back. Problem is, after getting him back, I became afraid of losing him._

•••

"Zane!" Syrus woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath. _It's just a dream, Zane is okay_, he would recite in his head. But that thought was never enough to assure him.

Usually after having a nightmare involving his brother, he would sneak over to the infirmary where Zane was staying to check on him. He was no longer there though. A few days ago, he was deemed healthy enough to leave the island and set out to build a new deck after giving his old one to Syrus.

A knock on the door startled Syrus. He walked over to the door and opened it to find Atticus with a concerned look on his face.

"Sy, are you alright? I heard you shouting."

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for waking you."

"Don't worry about it," Atticus smirked, ruffling the little blue duelist's hair, "if you ever need anything, my door's open." Syrus smiled and nodded shyly, letting the door close between them. _I can't have my friends worry over me because of some stupid bad dreams._

Making his way to the bed, he looked at the the alarm clock on his nightstand. 12:30 am. _Sheesh, is it really that late?_ But Syrus couldn't go back to sleep. He reached for his deck, the one that combined Zane's Cyberdark deck with his own cards.


	2. Chapter 2

_"You're leaving?" I asked when I found my brother packing his suitcase. Was he really gonna leave the island without saying anything?_

_"I need to build a new deck if I'm going to get back on top," Zane answered and zipped up the luggage. _

_"B-but what about your heart?" _

_"Don't worry, I won't overwork it." He said as he got up and rustled my hair, "I'll be fine."_

_"When are you coming back?"_

_"Syrus, I'm not returning to Duel Academy. Are you forgetting that I graduated a year ago?" Zane said with a smirk, "study hard."_

_"I will," I told him. And just like that, he left._

•••

Jaden pulled himself up onto a tree branch overlooking the Obelisk blue dorms.

"Man, how did Chumely make it look so easy back then?" he mumbled when he spotted Syrus's window. The little blue dualist was sprawled over the bed, his cards scattered around him. _He's still asleep?_ The brunette leaped from the branch and landed on the window ledge. He slid the window and made his way to Syrus.

"Sy, wake up," Jaden said as he shook the sleeping form.

"...huh, Jaden?" The blue-haired boy moaned as he rubbed his eyes, "what's up?"

"You didn't come by the mess hall for breakfast, so I came to see what's up. Or in this case, what's not up."

"What time is it?" Syrus was so out of it he didn't even acknowledge his friend's joke.

"It's almost 8:00. Are you okay? You never overslept before."

"Yeah, um, I'll be ready in a minute."

"Okay, but hurry up or you'll miss all of the scrambled eggs," Jaden said as he headed to the window.

"You know, you can use the door. It's not like before when we couldn't set foot in the blue dorms."

"What can I say, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic." He shrugged, smiling.

Syrus chuckled and shook his head as the brunette climbed away.

•••

Jaden jumped down, landing on his feet in front of Hassleberry, Atticus, Chazz, and Alexis.

"You know, you could've used the door," Alexis told him.

"Well, what's he doing up there?" Chazz asked curtly.

"I had to wake him up."

"He was still asleep?" Alexis eyes widened.

"I'm worried about him, Syrus has been...different since Zane left," Atticus voiced his concern. He knew Syrus was feeling down about his brother's departure, however he left out how Syrus woke up from a nightmare.

"He overslept, everyone does that now and then," Chazz said, rolling his eyes, "It doesn't means there's something wrong."

"Still, we'll keep an eye on him," Jaden assured Atticus.

"Speaking of whom, there's our soldier right now," said Hasselberry, pointing to a distant blue-haired duelist running towards them.

"It's about time," Chazz mumbled, which received a smack in the arm from Alexis.

"Sorry...I'm late..." he said out of breath.

"You okay?" Atticus asked, only to be interrupted by a certain duelist in black.

"Whatever, let's just go before there's no more coffee," Chazz says as they head to the school cafeteria.

•••

_"You want me to look out for Syrus?" I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Zane was at my door in the middle of the night and entrusting me with watching over his little brother while he's gone._

_"Yes," he said with his usual serious look on his face as he handed me a card with his number on it. _

_"But why me? Why not Jaden or Alexis?" After all, Syrus was much closer to Jaden and my sister was the one who knew how to handle these things seriously when they had to, not me._

_"You're my best friend, so I can trust that if there's something wrong with Syrus, you'll tell me." _

_"Don't worry, I got your back."_

_"Thank you. So long, Atticus." He turned and walked away. I wasn't sure if I was the right man for the job, but I had to try. Zane had looked after Alexis when I was controlled by the shadows. He's the greatest friend a guy could have. From one brother to another, you can count on me._


	3. Chapter 3

"Now then, can anybody tell me how many life points is lost when this card is used to summon a level 8 monster?" Dr. Crowler asked his students, pointing to the screen. Every dualist in the pier looked at each other, unsure of what was the answer, which angered the dualing professor.

"Uh oh, looks like someone's gonna become Crowler's victim," Chazz said in a low voice to Alexis.

"Quiet or it'll be us!" she hissed.

"So, no one knows the answer?" Crowler asked with gritted teeth.

A yawn echoed throughout the classroom.

"Who was that?!"

Chazz and Alexis looked back to see Syrus resting his head on his hands, eyes drooping closed.

"Syrus, you gotta stay awake," Alexis cried in a hushed tone.

"Syrus Trusdale!"

He sat up abruptly once he heard Crowler's voice calling his name.

"Y-yes, Dr. Crowler?"

"Is my lesson boring you?" The blonde professor asked sarcastically.

"N-no, sir."

"Then can you tell the class what the answer is?"

"Uhh...1500?"

"Correct," Crowler said, disappointed that he had answered it right.

Syrus sunk back in his chair in relief.

"Now onto using spell cards during your opponent's turn..."

•••

"You sure were lucky, Sy," Chazz said as they walked out of Crowler's class.

"Yeah," the blue dualist said with a yawn.

"Syrus, you seem tired. Did you not sleep well last night?" Alexis asked.

"A little, I guess."

They reached the dual arena where Jaden was about to go up against a Ra yellow student with a water type deck.

"Why even bother? We already know who's going to win this thing," Chazz mumbled as he sat back in his seat.

"There's always a chance this match might be a close call," Atticus said optimistically.

"Yeah," Syrus agreed from the row behind them. _After all, Zane was the first to beat Jaden in a dual._ The thought of his brother saddened him a bit. _How come I haven't heard from him?_ I haven't read about him in the papers, which could mean he hasn't been in any big league dual.

"Syrus?" He returned from his thoughts when he heard Alexis.

"Yeah?"

"The match is about to start."

"Oh right."

Jaden started off with two face downs and his elemental hero flamed wingman in defense mode.

"Wow, on his first turn?" Hasselberry commented confused.

"He never disappoints his fans," Atticus joked laughing.

Jaden's opponent played a spell card that destroyed his monster.

"Ooh, that's a lot of life points," Alexis winced when Jaden lost 2000 of them.

Syrus watched intensely. _I haven't seen a move like that since..._

•••

_I watched my brother duel against one of the top dualists in the country on the screen._

_"I play my face down," Zane said, revealing his trap card, "so say goodbye to your pathetic monster."_

_"It can't be!" his opponent cried. Zane gave a low chuckle._

_"Oh yes, and with my dragon's special ability, you lose 2000 life points, which is exactly what you have."_

_"Wait, what?!"_

_"This match is over!" Zane shouted as his dragon striked down on the dualist. The dualist fainted, unable to get up. But Zane just walked away._

_"Another brutal attack by Zane Truesdale!"_

•••

"And that's game," Jaden stated. Syrus snapped awake.

"Man, what a dual!"

"If it was me against Jaden, it would've lasted longer," Chazz said arrogantly.

"Sure, whatever you say..."

"Never have I seen a battle like that. Right soldier?" Hasselberry asked Syrus.

Syrus nodded, hiding the fact that he had missed the whole dual. _Gee, Syrus. Daydreaming during your best friend's dual?_

The gang circled around Jaden, who simply smiled at his victory.

"Sy?" He asked.

Syrus was still sitting in the stands when he looked to where his friends were.

"Yeah, I'm coming."

"Aren't you usually the first one to congratulate the slacker?"

"Sorry, I was...a little distracted."

"Syrus do you want to return to your dorm?"

"What do you mean?" He asked innocently.

"You're obviously tired. I can walk you back to your room if you want," Atticus spoke softly.

"What's a couple more hours? I'm okay, really. If I start to fall asleep then I'll head back early, deal?"

His friends looked at each other, thinking it seemed like a logical plan, and agreed to let him stay.

They headed to the Slifer red dorms with a pack of root beer, talking about who they were dualing next, upcoming exams, and plans after graduation.

"So what are you going to do after graduation, Jaden?"

"Not sure yet. What about you, Sy?"

"My brother is planning a dueling tag team, and wants me to join."

"Seriously?! That's awesome, Sy!" Atticus said.

"It's no surprise, the soldier is a great dualist."

"I-I'm not that good"

"What are you talking about? You won, like, 10 duals in the past month."

"Well I can never be as good as Zane was with this deck..."

"Yes you can," Jaden pressed, "and to prove it you're going to duel me."

"Oh no you don't! You're dueling against me!" Chazz proclaimed.

"When are you going to learn to accept it, soldier? You can't beat Jaden."

"Yeah, besides I haven't dueled against Sy's new deck yet."

"Guys?" Alexis called them out. She pointed to Syrus, who was curled up and snoozing on Jaden's bunk.

"Guess I better bring him back," Atticus sighed, getting up.

"Nah, don't wake him. Let him sleep here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it'll be like old times."

"Sure, just don't get to class late like you guys used to," Alexis said, half-joking. They all said good-bye to Jaden and headed back to the dorms.

Jaden turned to the sleeping blue dualist.

_After fusing with Yubel, I have gotten stronger than I was when we both enrolled. Zane was right, I would become the top dualist. But Syrus isn't far behind. I'm not sure why Zane came to see me that day._

•••

_"Zane, what are you doing here this late?" I asked, still groggy from sleep. It was so dark out, I could barely see him in his black trench coat._

_"Jaden, I need you to be there for Syrus whenever he feels down. He's going to need that once I leave."_

_"You're going somewhere?"_

_"Yes, so while I'm gone, remind him that he's a good dualist, that he makes me proud. Can you do this for me?"_

_"Sure, Zane," I yawned, my eyes barely open, "but why are you so worried?" He was gone before he could answer me._


	4. Chapter 4

_Where am I? _

_"Aaaagh..."_

_Is someone screaming? Why? The sound came from a shadowed figure._

_"Aaaarrrgh..."_

_This sounds so familiar...Zane! I saw my brother fall to his knees as I ran to him. _

_"Zane! What happened?!"_

_"Syrus..." He was clutching his chest where his heart was._

_"It's your heart again. Don't worry, I'll get you to a doctor."_

_"There's...no time..." he gasped before cringing at his irregular heartbeat._

_"Zane...Zane!"_

•••

Syrus sat up abruptly, hitting his head on the bunk above him. Stars clouded his vision as a sharp pain erupted in his temple.

"Ow..."

"Syrus?" Jaden peered down from the middle bunk.

"Where...?" His head was hurting so much he could finish the question.

"You fell asleep on my bed so I figured you could spend the night here."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"It's cool, I got, like, three beds here." He hopped off the middle bunk and sat beside Syrus. He moved his hand past wild blue hair to where the bump was forming. "But how's your head? You hit it pretty hard."

"It'll go away. Thanks, Jay."

They sat in silently for a while. It was the first time they were alone since Zane's return from the stars. It was also the first time they shared a room since Syrus moved to the yellow dorms last year.

"Can you believe almost three years have past?" Syrus asked him.

"Yeah..."

"To think we faced sacred beasts, the society of light, the Shadow K-" he paused, forgetting that Jaden still carried the guilt of being the shadow king.

"I know what you mean," Jaden mumbled.

"Everything has changed..."

_You mean I have changed_. But Jaden didn't say it, he simply got up and picked up his deck from his desk.

"Jay?" Syrus asked. _Did I upset him?_

"Come on, Hassleberry's waiting for us."

•••

"There you guys are," Alexis scolded when she saw Jaden, Syrus, and Hasselberry approaching, "I thought I told you guys not to be late."

"It's not my fault Hassleberry had to get three plates of waffles," Jaden said, shaking his head.

"Hey, a soldier can't duel on an empty stomach," he said defensively.

"So how was the sleepover?" Atticus asked the little blue dualist.

"...fine." Atticus was about to press when Alexis continued her lecture.

"Seriously, do you know how long we were waiting for you guys?"

"Who cares? Let's go before Crowler kills us! Or gives us detention, whichever he's in the mood for," Chazz sneered.

•••

_I didn't ask for everything to change. I never wanted to change. But I accepted it either way. I had no choice. I'm sorry._

"Jaden?"

He opened his eyes to see Alexis standing over him.

"Class is over."

"Oh?" He looked around, seeing the classroom now empty except for the two of them and a few other students walking past them.

"Did something happen between you and Syrus?"

"No, why?"

"I don't know. You guys were pretty quiet this morning and he went to the blue dorms early so it seemed like there was."

"I know Syrus wants the old me back, but no matter how hard I try I can't forget what I've done in the past. This is who I am now, you know that."

"I know, but I also know there's still a part of the old Jaden inside of you. You're trying to go back to the way you used to be, and I think Syrus sees this." Jaden said nothing so she kept going. "Talk to him."

"Alright, I'll go."

•••

_Can't believe I let Alexis talk me into this._ He was certain that Syrus wants the old Jaden to go comfort him, not the new one that hardly smiles and wanders through the woods alone, because he wants to be alone. The old Jaden never wanted to be alone._ How much of me has changed?_

He was on his way to the blue dorms when he found Syrus sitting under a tree, his head resting on his arms.

_What is he doing out here?, _he thought as he walked up to the little blue duelist.

"Syrus." He looked up, tears swelled up in eyes.

"Jaden? You're not mad at me anymore?"

"Why would you think that?" Jaden asked, surprised that he thought that.

"I-I thought you were," Syrus stammered, "I'm sorry for bringing it up the stars, I was scared-"

"Sy, calm down" Jaden said calmly, crouching down in front of him, "It's okay. I thought you were upset at me, because I was the one who changed."

"That wasn't your fault! Besides, it's not just you. Everything changed- our friends, dueling-" he paused, holding up his head.

"Dueling?" Jaden mumbled to himself, wondering what he meant until he saw Syrus. Eyes shut tightly with a hand gripped on his hair. "Sy, are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just a headache."

"Come on, let's go to the mess hall. They have fried shrimp," he said smirking.

"Yes, I'm starving!"

The two of them headed back to the school, not realizing the figure standing behind the trees was observing them.

Alexis watched Jaden and Syrus from a distance and giggled._ Jaden has nothing to worry about. No matter how much has changed, he is still Syrus's best friend._


	5. Chapter 5

"Chazz, don't eat all the shrimp!" Syrus cried once he and Jaden arrived to the mess hall.

"Should've thought about that before coming here so late," Chazz mumbled through his fifth shrimp.

"Relax, Trusdale," Hasselberry said to the pouting duelist, holding out a plate, "there's still tons a shrimp left."

"Awesome," he grinned as he reached for the plate.

"Yo, Syrus," a student from Ra yellow called out to him, "have you seen this?" He handed Syrus a dueling magazine. Syrus eyed the cover, his breath hitched once he saw it.

"What is it Sy?"

"It looks like Zane is going to duel in Domino City…."

"Really? That's great," Hassleberry said.

"Y-yeah..." Syrus unconsciously rubbed his head.

"You okay, Sy?" Jay asked.

"I-I'm fine." He tried to hide it but the pain inside his head grew.

"No you're not," Chazz said, standing up, "I'm taking you to the dorms. No arguments."

"Okay..." he mumbled, following the black clad duelist out the cafeteria.

•••

Syrus laid on his bed, his head still numb from the pain. He couldn't remember much about Chazz bringing him to his room, except him muttering about what a pain it was to have to drag him to the dorms. His mind drifted off to his brother and the news of his upcoming duel.

_Zane's dueling already? It hasn't even been a month since he returned from the stars._

•••

_"Tell me it's true!" I announced once I pushed open the doors. After hearing the news from Chancellor Sheppard, I had to see it for myself. "Tell me you found him!"_

_"Easy, Syrus," the nurse shushed, "we found your brother unconscious when he washed up onto the shore. He's stable at the moment but please, keep your voice down."_

_"Zane..." He was just lying there, a pale corpse connected to IVs and machines. An oxygen mask was over his face. But I didn't care, Zane was alive. He was alive!_

_"Syrus, there's something you should know. Your brother has a serious heart condition."_

_"I already know about it."_

_"No, you don't understand. His heart is permanently damaged. If he puts any more stress on it, he may not be so lucky next time."_

_"What...?"_

_"He will still be able to duel once he fully recovers, however his heart will never be as strong as it used to be."_

_"I see..." I turned back to my brother._

_"It's a miracle to have survive this."_

_My fingers felt his cold, pale cheek as I pushed his hair out of his face. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. "You're back..."_

•••

There was a tap on the window that woke him up from his daydream.

"Jaden?" he asked, walking to the glass.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Sure." the little blue duelist opened the window, letting Jaden inside.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, ruffling Syrus's hair a bit.

"A little better."

"You're worried about Zane dueling again, aren't you?" He asked, receiving a small nod from him, "Zane will be fine, his heart is strong enough to duel again."

"But it's not as strong as it used to be. W-what if he faints again? I can't-"

"Zane's a fighter. If something were to happen, he'll survive again." _He seems so sure about it..._

"You really think so, Jay?"

"This is your brother we're talking about. He cheated death once, he can do it again."

"I guess you're right," Syrus sighed.

"I just came to check up on you but I better get back. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Jaden," he called out as the red duelist jumped from the tree to the ground.

•••

_"Your move."_

_Huh...I'm dueling someone? When did I accept a challenged duel?_

_"Syrus," someone spoke from the sidelines. Zane, is that you? "Don't just stand there, draw a card."_

_Ah, right. I drew a card from my deck when I heard a scream. Zane!_

_"Hey! Were in the middle of a dual! You can't leave!"_

_"Uh...I p-play my cycroid in defense mode, a-and place one card face down." I scanned the sidelines and found my brother, crouched down on his knees.._

_"Zane? Are you alright?" _

_"I'm fine, keep playing."_

_My faceless opponent threw down a level 5 monster and destroyed my cycroid. _

_"I end my turn."_

_I drew another card._

_"Aaagh!"_

_"Zane! What's wrong?"_

_"...my heart..." he groaned._

_"I don't understand, why is your heart-" I looked down at my hand. The deck!_

_"N-no, I thought I fixed it...it's not suppose to shock anyone anymore..."_

_"Sy...keep dueling..." Zane urged me to continue._

_"I-I can't..." I felt paralyzed._

_"...keep going..."_

_"I can't!"_

•••

"Syrus, wake up!" Atticus shouted, shaking Syrus awake

"Atticus?" he said, trembling.

"You were having a bad dream."

Syrus looked towards the door where a couple of obelisk blue students stood, frightened.

"Yeah, they were a little scared when they heard you screaming."

"I was?" Syrus felt his cheeks hot and wet with streaks of tears.

"Syrus, are you okay?"

"I'm fine...sorry...for waking you..."

"It's okay, I don't really need beauty sleep when I look this good," he said, attempting to make a joke. But seeing it have no effect, he went back to being serious. "What was it you couldn't do?"

"...it doesn't matter."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm good, thanks Atticus." He gave a half-smile to reassure him. Atticus shrugged, _he's not going to tell me anything. _But before he left, he spoke to Syrus

"You know what I used to do when I had nightmares?" he asked with a gentle smile, "I would put my red eyes dark dragon on my nightstand and just like that, they were gone. Well, if you don't need anything, I'll let you go back to sleep."

"Right, goodnight." He listened for the door to close, letting out a shuddering sigh.

He pulled out his deck. _I don't think there's a card that can scare away my nightmares, especially since they're about this deck. What does my dream even mean? Zane, what do I do now that I'm scared of dueling?_


	6. Chapter 6

Atticus rubbed his eyes tiredly when his sister walked up to him.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked.

"No, I just woke up a little too early."

"Right..." she said skeptically. "Hey look, there's Chazz," she said, pointing to the black clad student running towards them

"Hey, what happened last night?" Chazz asked Atticus once he reached them.

"What do you mean?"

"I heard Syrus had a nightmare and almost woke like, half the blue dorms."

"What?" he gasped. _Oh no, Syrus…._

"How did you hear about this?" Alexis frowned.

"It's been going around fast."

"So the entire school knows now, huh?" he sighed, "I better go find him." He left the two to search for Syrus. Alexis was about to follow him when something stopped her.

"Alexis Rhodes," Dr. Crowler called out to the female duelist.

"Yes?" she asked.

"A word with you..."

•••

Syrus found himself lost in his thoughts as he drew circles in the sand. He was concerned. A_ duelist who's scared to duel? What would people say when they find out? My brother would surely be disappointed in me. Him, one of the greatest duelists I know. Smart, collected, strong... Strong. I remember when he wasn't at his strongest. When he was stuck in the infirmary, after his heart problems were settled._

•••

_I sat beside my brother as we watched a movie we used to see growing up._

_"Remember watching this movie when we were kids? Now that I think about it, the jokes aren't as funny as we thought they were."_

_"Syrus, you were the only one who laughed at them."_

_"Really? But you were always smiling whenever we watched it."_

_"Because you were always so happy when it played on tv." I smiled. It felt like it had be such a long time since we were together like this. We can be like this more now that he's back._

_"Remember this part?...Zane?" Turning my head, I saw my brother had fallen asleep. He hung his head slightly as he breathed softly. Even since he returned from the other dimension, he seemed to be tired all the time. But I understood it meant he was getting stronger. It was hard seeing him like this. So used to him being the independent older brother I looked up to, now dressed in pajamas and sitting in a wheelchair, a heart monitor on him at all times. This wasn't forever though, soon he'll be back to dueling ._

•••

"Syrus!" Atticus shouted from a cliff. He groaned, wanting to be alone.

"Relax, Atticus. I know that everyone found out about poor Syrus having bad dreams," he said bitterly.

"Syrus, it's not something to be ashamed about. After everything that happened these past couple of months...everyone would understand if you were stressed. You're being too hard on yourself..."

"No, he's not."

"Hasselberry?"

"If fear is what's troubling our soldier, then he knows exactly what he has to do."

"You mean duel?"

"Yep, that's how he conquered his fear before, thats how he'll do it again."

_Dueling? But that is my fear..._

"Syrus!" Alexis, Chazz, and Jaden ran towards them.

"Great, the gang's all here," Syrus mumbled, "what's up?"

"There's going to be a dual against the top dualists from Obelisk blue in three days," said Alexis, "and Crowler says its going to be us."

"Me? Against you?"

"It's just what you need Trusdale, a duel to conquer your fear."

"I-I don't know..."

"Sy, there's nothing you can't do. Whatever it is you're afraid of, dueling is the only way to face it."

_I guess I can't avoid it. Dueling is the only way I'll get the nightmares to stop. Even though dueling is part of the reason I have these dreams._

"Are you up for it, Sy?"

_Not really, but if I say no, they'll suspect something is off._

"I guess so..."

"That's the spirit, Trusdale!"

•••

_I was often seen as Zane's little brother, nothing more. I was smaller, weaker, more emotional in their eyes. To quote, 'a disappointment compared to Zane'. How could I ever become a cool, confident, disciplined dualist like him?_

_Jaden showed me that I had what it takes to be like my brother, to be as good as he was. For the first time in my life, I wasn't looking up at him in his pedestal everyone had put him on. I was a dualist just like him, and people were starting to see that. But there was still that part of me that got scared and would lose my confidence. I can't let this get to me._

Syrus stood in front of the abandoned dorms. The forbidden ones that stood empty and alone, even more now that it was nighttime. It was late, most of the students were probably asleep by now, but Syrus wasn't tired.

He wandered near the edge of the island, fog rolling in across the ocean. How it reminded him of that night Camula's fortress sailed toward Duel Academy. The night she had her hands on his soul. The night Zane made the ultimate sacrifice for him. Was he glad Jaden saved him that time.

•••

_"Zane, you're back." I ran up to him. I was so happy. I thought he would end up a doll forever._

_"Syrus..." he mumbled before falling unconscious. It wasn't a surprise that he did. Being a doll meant he hadn't eaten for so long._

_"You should let him rest, Syrus. He must be weak after his dual with Camula." I didn't want to leave him, but Bastian was right, he needed to rest._

_"Alright...goodnight big bro."_

_"S-she's gone for good, right?"_

_"Yeah, she's gone and she'll never come back."_

•••

"Wah!" Syrus cried as he fell on his face. _Was I sleepwalking just now?_ He pushed himself to his feet and headed towards the obelisk blue dorms when he stopped. _What if I fall asleep and the nightmare returns? I can't take seeing Zane like that anymore. In so much pain_.

He walked towards the forest, not knowing he was being watched.

He made it to the pier, looking across the vast waters that surrounded the island.

"Just like your brother." He didn't move, knowing it was Alexis talking to him.

"He would always come here to collect his thoughts. So what's on your mind?"

He hesitated, biting his bottom lip before speaking. "I hate feeling so weak, that I'm always afraid. I was never one to take risks like Zane did. Even when he's hurt, he'll still keep fighting."

"Sy, you're not the only one who's ever felt this way."

"Yeah, who else?"

"I promised him I wouldn't say anything but..."

•••

_I followed Bastian and Chazz as they carried Zane into his room._

_"I'm glad we finally defeated Camula," Bastian said as they laid Zane across the bed, "and that Jaden winning his dual brought them back."_

_"Yeah, but there's still more of them out there," Chazz brought up._

_The sound of Zane moaning ended that conversation. _

_"We should get him something for the pain. Alexis, can you stay here while we go find the nurse?"_

_"Sure," I said before they left. Zane's face crinkled in his sleep. _

_"...s...mhm..." What was he saying? "...rus..." He began to toss and turn violently. _

_"Syrus, RUN!" he screamed, panting heavily. His hands clutching the bedsheets, sweat dripping off his skin. So even Zane has his fears, I thought as I knelt down in front of him, my hand on his shoulder._

_"Zane, it's okay now. We stopped Camula," I said calmly, "You're safe, and so is Syrus."_

_"He's safe?"_

_"Yes, you don't have to worry." _

_He closed his eyes as he calmed his breathing, and leaned back against the headboard. "Don't tell anyone about this."_

•••

"Zane was that worried about me?"

"Of course he was."

_Now that I think about it, all the times I lost my brother...were because of me. Surrendering to Camula so she wouldn't steal my soul, the underground duals when he felt like was all alone, dueling Yubel so I could return home. That's what the dreams were about: I was the cause of Zane's suffering._

"Alexis," he said turning to her, "I will duel you."

"I'm looking forward to it," she said smiling, knowing Syrus will give his all to win.


	7. Chapter 7

"Alexis, you said you needed help?" Jaden asked as he approached the blonde in the hallway.

"Yeah, think you can help me sort through my deck? Planning on dueling that girl with the silver eagle deck," she said grinning.

"Training for your duel with Sy?"

"That's right. Speaking of which, have you seen him?"

"No, I haven't. I wonder where he is…."

They suddenly saw flashes of yellow and blue uniforms pass them as the students jogged down the hall.

"Hey, where is everyone running off to?" Jaden asked one of them.

"You don't know? They're about to show Zane's duel in the arena."

The same thought flashed across their minds: _Syrus must be there, no doubt_, and headed to the arena. They found Syrus sitting by himself in the far left of the middle row, facing the giant television where duels from the city were often projected on.

"He's already here?" Chazz asked as he, Hasselberry, and Atticus walked in.

"Of course he is," Hasselberry popped in, "it is his brother's first match since...well, you know." They all sat a couple rows behind the blue-haired duelist, knowing how intensely focused he will be watching his brother duel.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer on the screen said, "making his second comeback to the pro-dueling arena, Zane Truesdale!"

Syrus smiled when he heard the faint cheers for Zane coming from the screen, as well as the school showing their support for the Duel Academy graduate. _Go get him, big brother!_

"I place one card face down and end my turn," Zane said, a card appearing on his field.

"Fool! You think you can defeat moi?" his opponent boasts, "Let's see how tall you stand when my monster attacks you directly!"

Zane braced himself before receiving a blow on his life points. Syrus gasped when he saw his brother cringed from the attack. Usually Zane wouldn't even blink when attacked, but after the underground duels, even blows from level two monsters get a reaction out of him.

"He's down to 2700 already?" One if the students mumbled.

"Oh no!"

Syrus frowned. _That attack was pretty strong. Can he hold up through the rest of the duel?_

"Well, now it's your turn."

"I play my trap, which sends your monster to the graveyard. Then I summon a dragon from my hand and put it in attack mode."

"Nice save," Alexis said.

"Yeah, but that was too close," Atticus mumbled, "you can tell that his dueling is a little rusty." He looked down at Syrus. Although the boy's back was facing him, he could tell from the stiffened shoulders he was thinking the same.

"That's all you play?" the dualist scoffed at Zane, "what a pity, because when you sent my monster to the grave, his special ability activates. For every monster on your side the field, they lose 500 attack points!"

Zane growled, watching his dragon's points dwindle before attacking.

"Now I can play a new monster, and what's lovely about this one is that it attacks you directly!"

Zane braced himself for it, leaving him with only 1200.

"That's not good," Chazz mumbled the obvious.

Syrus trembled when Zane slowly drew his hand near his chest. He stopped halfway, as if he could feel his brother's eyes from hundreds of miles away, and drew his next card.

"I fuse my dragon with one in my hand to create the cyber end dragon!"

The audience, both in the arena and in duel academy grasped. The legendary dragon stood in the stadium.

"He still has cyber end dragon?" Jaden asked in awe, looking down at Syrus. _I thought he gave that card to Syrus. _

He did, but Syrus couldn't keep such a card in his deck. Zane always dueled with that monster, it was his prized card. _That card was meant to be with Zane_, Syrus thought, and pulled a 'Jaden' by sneaking the card into Zane's new deck.

"4000 attack points?!"

"Yes, now let's end this battle!" Zane shouted. His dragon breathed white light beams at his opponent. When the glow from the blast died down, the duelist, covered in ashes, fainted as his life points dropped to 0.

The crowd's cheers roared so loud that the floor of the school arena shook under their feet. Cheering along with them, Syrus clapped for his brother's victory. _Big brother, you did it. _

"Hey look! Zane's being interviewed" one of the students pointed out.

"I've never seen a duel this exciting in my life! Tell me, Zane, what made you duel like this?"

"I changed my perspective. When I hit that dead end in my career, I thought the reason I kept losing was my deck. But my deck could only go so far, I had to work hard to find what it can do. I thought I had found every strategy my deck can have, but there is always another move that can be made we never saw before."

Syrus smiled. His duel against the Psycho deck was the reason Zane saw a new light on dueling, that the deck wasn't going to win on it's own, but with the endless strategies and finding every possible move. And through Syrus's duel, he found that out.

"I- augh!" He fell on one knee, clenching his jaw and clawing at his chest. Everyone gasped at the sight of the great duelist, kneeling on the floor.

"Zane Truesdale has collapsed!"

Flashing ambulance lights were shown on screen before the signal was cut off and replaced the image with static.

"Zane?!" his brother cried. _What happened?! Is he hurt?! _He felt a hand on his trembling shoulder, and looked up to see it was Jaden's. The gang surrounded him, each giving him a sympathetic smile or a hair ruffle to support him.

"Syrus, it'll be okay," Atticus tried to assure him, "come on, there's no point sticking around here. I'll try and find out about Zane but for now, let's go for swim."

_I can't swim_, he wanted to point out, but Syrus knew he was trying to get his mind of what had happened. Sighing, he went along with it.

"I knew this would happen," he mumbled as the gang led him out of the arena.


	8. Chapter 8

"My draw!"

"Sy, I know you're excited about your duel with Alexis, but can we please give it a rest?" Jaden asked, "We've been at this since lunch."

"But there's only two days left until then. Don't tell me you're going to forfeit our duel..." he trailed off, knowing Jaden would never do such a thing.

"Fine, go ahead."

"I play truckroid in attack mode and place one card facedown."

"I play my trap which destroys any spell cards facedown. Then I summon elemental hero clayman and fuse him with elemental hero bubbleman and equip him with this spell, giving him a total of 3500 attack points. Elemental hero mud-ball man, attack."

"Ah!" Syrus cried as mud-ball man attacked him.

"That's game," Jaden saluted, "and I mean it. It's getting late. It's great to see you pumped up for this dual but you should take it easy and get some rest. I get the feeling you haven't been doing that enough." Sensing his uneasiness, he continued. "Sy, have you been sle-"

"I have been getting enough sleep. I'm not a child, Jaden, I can take care of myself," he snapped.

Jaden backed up a step. "I never said you couldn't."

"...I know," he sighed, "Jay, do you think it was the right decision to let my brother duel so soon?"

"I get that you're starting to regret letting Zane go, but sometimes you have to think as a duelist instead of as a brother when it comes to these situations."

"I guess you're right. Bye, Jaden."

•••

He sat by the window sill when the phone rang. Recognizing the name on the screen, he answered.

_"Hey, sorry to call you this late but it's about Syrus."_

"How's he doing?"

_"Not so good...he's having trouble sleeping. And I don't think your duel earlier is helping him ease his nerves."_

"He's got nothing to worry about. It wasn't serious."

_"he's probably nervous about his upcoming duel as well."_

"Duel?"

_"Yeah, my little sister against your little brother, dueling each other in front of the whole school. Syrus didn't tell you? I thought he would've been dying to tell you this."_

"I didn't give him my number."

_"What?! You didn't give your own brother your phone number?"_

"I don't want him to depend on me if things go wrong. If something serious was to happen to Syrus, I know you will contact me and let me know."

_"What if he just wants to talk to you?"_

"I don't want him to, not after what I did to him."

_"Zane, you're not who you used to be." _

_That may be so, but that doesn't mean I'm not haunted by what I've done._

•••

_I stepped into the infirmary unnoticed, towards the bed that held the young blue-haired dual student, stripped of his yellow jacket and turtleneck and into his sleepwear. The boy was still unconscious after his duel with me using the shock collars, unaware of my presence. I suppose it's for the best, who knows how he would react seeing me. _

_Why am I here? I have no intention in changing who I am. Duels like these made me stronger. And I want Syrus to become a stronger duelist as well, just not the way I did. What's wrong with me? Have I actually gone soft for my brother? He's not a child, despite his appearance and insecurities. It was just a simple duel with the collars..._

_I eyed the indents on Sy's neck, running my fingers across the bumpy skin. I did this. I could argue that it was his decision and he had the choice not to, but I am to blame for him being in the infirmary. _

_He shivered against my touch and I pulled away. I'm not surprised, he and I were never that close growing up. I don't know why he looks up to me as much as he does. I don't want him to, I want him to be his own role model. That's why I pushed him to be more independant. He doesn't need me, he never needed me. I don't deserve the look he gives when I win, or when he tells others that I'm his brother. Brother... _

_I slipped out of the room before anyone catches me, so he could rest. That's the least I could do for him after what I've done._

•••

_"Zane? You still there?"_

"Yeah."

_"I know I promised you I'll look after him but I don't know if I'll be able to cheer him on when he's dueling Alexis. I feel so torn."_

"Idiot, no one said you had to," he said, rolling his eyes.

Atticus laughed at his end. _"Bye Zane."_

He hung up, slightly concerned with what he heard about his little brother. _Of all the things he had to be concerned about, why did I have to be one of them? There were times I wished I wasn't his older brother. Because I don't know how to be one. Because I was too busy being strict with him so he could be the best I know he can be. He's on his way there. Soon, he'll conquer the dueling world. And where does that leave us? He won't need a tough older brother, but that's all I've ever been. It's better this way, the space between us to keep his mind off me. At some point, it'll happen. It has to. For his sake and mine._


	9. Chapter 9

"Chazz, where's Syrus?" Atticus asked as he approached him and Hasselberry in the school entrance. "He wasn't at his dorm room this morning."

"I don't know. Maybe he stayed the night with Jaden again?"

"Who stayed the night with me?" the red duelist asked.

"Syrus. He's not with you?" Atticus questioned concerningly

"No, he left the red dorms after our duel. He wasn't in the blue dorms?" The guys stood around silently.

"Soldier! Where in tarnation have you been?! We-"

He stopped, taking in Syrus's appearance. His uniform was wrinkled as if he slept in them. But judging from the dark circles around his eyes, they knew he hadn't. His hair stuck up all over the place, looking more wild than usual.

"Syrus?" Atticus asked him.

"Yeah...?"

"Maybe you should stay in the dorms today. There's not much going on in class today."

"I'm fine. Just woke up a little earlier than usual-"

"Syrus, please. We know that's a lie," Chazz said, cutting him off.

"What's your point?" he said defensively, "I can handle myself."

"Are you forgetting what happened to you the last time you dueled when you were sleep-deprived?" Hasselberry asked him.

"I got a little dizzy, so what?"

"You fainted as soon as it was over."

"Sy, please listen to us," Jaden said, placing his hands on the little one's shoulders, "You don't look so good. You need to go get some sleep."

"I can't!" Syrus shouted, breaking away from Jaden's touch, gaining wide-eyed, shocked looks from his friends. "...I...I'll be fine...I promise..." he said before hurrying off.

"Syrus!" Jaden called after him. _What do you mean you can't?_

•••

_Come on, Syrus. You can do it. It's just a deck, it just wants to be played. You can do it._

"Syrus? Are you gonna draw?" his opponent asked.

"Ah...yes, sorry..."

"He's dueling?" Atticus asked as he sat in the bleachers with the others to watch.

"Yeah, Crowler assigned it," Jaden answered, "Where's Alexis?"

"She's dueling almost every student she can find outside. She's taking this seriously. So who's he dueling?"

"Top student in Ra yellow with an air monster deck."

"Oh, I heard about him. He almost beat Chazz in a match."

"Hey, it was a very close duel!" the black-clad duelist argued.

"Please, at one point he had 1500 more life points than you," Hasselberry said, chuckling.

"I won, didn't I?!"

"I hope Syrus knows how to duel him," Atticus mused.

"Have you seen him? He looks like a car hit him!"

"I have to agree with Chazz on this one. That soldier looks like he left a warzone."

"I can hear you guys!" Syrus called them out in annoyance, "I place one card face down and end my turn."

"I draw. First I'll activate my trap card, which negates any attack from a monster level five and higher on your side of the field this turn. Then I summon my monster onto the field, and because of his special ability, he can destroy your drilloid!"

"That's not good," Atticus mumbled as he watched Syrus's life points dwindle down to 2000.

_You can do this._ He drew another card, adding it to his hand. _Alright, let's see what I can use._ But he couldn't read his cards with his blurring vision. _Come on eyes, focus!_

"Is there something wrong?" The yellow clad student asked.

"...n-no...I...uh," he mumbled. _Okay, Syrus. Just choose one that looks familiar._ He picked up a card with what he believed must be rescueroid.

"Is it me or is Syrus having trouble reading his cards?"

"You're right, he's too tired to see his deck."

"Guys, shhhhh! He just summoned a monster," Chazz hissed.

Rescueroid appeared on the field, stanced in attack mode. "And when I activate this spell card, it doubles my monsters attack points. Rescueroid, attack his monster!"

The vehicle rammed into both opponent and monster. Once the smoke passed, the yellow duelis feel to his knees, his life points dropped to 0.

"That was awesome!" Hasselberry cheered.

"Wow, I can't believe he won," Chazz said, and with the glare Syrus gave him, added, "...so fast I mean."

"Good save," Atticus chuckled, "let's go celebrate your victory with some fried shimp." Everyone was in for eating, except Jaden.

"Sy, want me to put your deck away for you?"

"Sure, Jay," he nodded, handing him his cards as he, Atticus, and Chazz headed off to the cafeteria. Hasselberry accompanied Jaden as they headed to the blue dorms, still grinning about the match.

"The soldier gave an amazing duel."

"I'm not so sure about that," Jaden mumbled, looking through the cards.

"Why?"

"Look at what he had in his hand. He could've easily won the duel three turns ago with this trap card. Syrus is definitely not okay."

•••

Jaden had a constant eye over the blue haired student. Syrus smiled weakly, trying to hide the fact he was really tired.

"Jaden, I'm fine. Really." The two of them wandered through the forest after lunch, Jaden's idea to get Syrus's mind off the upcoming duel with Alexis. But it wasn't working. _I'm going to be dueling Alexis tomorrow. I wonder how's Zane doing._

"Syrus!" Jaden grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him away from the cliff's edge.

"That's it."

"W-what are you-" Syrus stuttered as he was being lifted off the ground.

"You're spending the night at my dorm."

"B-"

"No buts. You're getting some shut eye and I'm making sure that it happens."

Syrus huffed, his arms folded as Jaden carried him all the way to the red dorms and placed him on the second bunk. Jaden grinned, and Syrus couldn't help but smile back. No one could ever stay mad at Jaden.

"Goodnight, Sy," Jaden said as he got settled into bed.

"Night, Jay."

•••

_"Draw." Again with dueling a shadow. It's the same dream over and over. "I said draw!"_

_"Alright, already!" I drew a card. Nothing. No cries of pain, no screams._

_"I placed one card face down, and that's all." I looked into the stands, too blurred and dark to see faces._

_"Zane?" I called out. Usually he would around here watching. Why wasn't he?_

_"Yes?" The figure I was dueling spoke out. _

_"Zane! I-I'm dueling you?"_

_"Yes, and so far, I'm winning."_

_"But your heart! I can't, Zane, I can't duel you!"_

_"You will, because I play my Cyber End dragon!" The silver beast rose from the shadows, it's metal wings spread out. "Draw, Syrus."_

_I froze, my hand levitating over the deck. I can't duel him. What if he gets another heart attack?_

_"Syrus. Draw a card." His voice was firm._

_"I can't duel you!"_

_"You can't or you won't?"_

_I felt angry tears well up in my eyes. "I won't!"_

_Zane frowned, disappointment graced his features. I've disappointed him, but if it means he'll live to see another day, I can deal with it._

_He stood straight, arms to his sides. "I stand down."_

_What? The lights fade, leaving the both of us in the shadows._

_"Zane, what's going on?" He wouldn't speak to me, his head facing the floor. I went over to him, shaking him by the arm. "Come on, Zane. The silent treatment is my thing."_

_I looked into his eyes, but there was nothing there. Cloudy. Hollow. Dead. That's what they were, because he was dead. _

_"N-no...Zane...come on...speak to me...big bro?"_

_I wrapped my fingers around his wrist. No pulse. He fell into my arms, cold. His skin turned pale blue with decay._

_"No! Come on, Zane! I'll duel you! Please come back!"_

•••

He woke crying his grey eyes out, shaking in cold sweat.

"Syrus?" He didn't speak, couldn't speak. He had just dreamt his brother die in front of him, because of him, because he couldn't duel.

"Syrus, talk to me." he said with sympathy as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Syrus screamed, and caused his friend to pull back.

"Sy..."

"I'm fine, I'm okay," he mumbled, trembling viciously.

"Syrus? If you need to...we can postpone the duel for next week."

"No, I can do this. I can duel."

"Canceling doesn't mean you can't duel."

"I can duel. I'll be fine."

"Syrus, won't you tell me what's going on?"

He shivered, wide-eyed and frightened, he whispered, "no."

Jaden sighed, lying down on Syrus's bunk.

"Well, I can't sleep if you're not going to."

"Jay, it's okay. You must be tired."

"I'm not going to sleep and leave you alone."

Syrus lied down beside Jaden, curling himself up and appearing smaller than usual.

"It's my choice, you have nothing to feel bad about. If you don't want to talk about it, I shouldn't push it out of you. I was scared when I heard you scream, and that you pushed me away like that. You used to tell me everything."

"...I can't."

"Can't?"

"I can't talk about it, and I can't postpone the duel. I just can't. It scares me to say it, to think that Zane-" he began to shake again, "no. I can't, I won't! I need to duel tomorrow! I can't say why, but I really need to duel!"

"Hey, it's okay! I won't make you if you can't tell me."

Syrus slowed his breathing, calming himself down a bit. "Thanks Jay."

"I worry about you, Sy. You're like a brother to me."

"And you are to me." He wrapped his arms around Jaden, his small form still shivering. Jaden does the same, and felt relieved when Syrus didn't flinch. They stayed that way for awhile. But at some point, Jaden fell asleep. Syrus looked at the time on the wall, seeing it was three in the morning. He wasn't going to sleep anymore than he had, so he stayed there, listening to Jaden's snores as he waited for the sun to rise.


End file.
